


Diary Of A Tormented Soul

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Canon, Child Abuse, Drama, Ethan Gold Bashing, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mpreg, Points of View, Unsafe Sex, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-16
Updated: 2006-02-19
Packaged: 2018-12-26 18:12:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: What if Joan Kinney wasn't Brian's mother? In this fic it show what Brian's family was like before his birth and one womans struggle to keep him alive and how Brian grows up. This is Claire Kinney's POV. This is the Prequel to Sunshine On A Rainy Day.





	1. Hush Little Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: I choose to portray Claire in a very different way to most stories. This is a very sad story which is about Clair to start off with but then directs toward Brian. Please Review, lets me no whether to keep the story going or not.  


* * *

I sit on my bed and hear the banging on my door. I want to run and hide, but no matter where I hide he will find me. I pull my legs in close to my chest and close my eyes, I wish I wasn’t here, I wish I could be somewhere else. I hear the door fly open and he stumbles in with all his rage blazing like the fires of hell, I don’t even open my eyes anymore, I just let my subconscious take over and I find myself in drifting into a bright room full of the most beautiful music in the entire world.

***  
I sit up in my bed and realise that Jack is gone. As I walk out of my room and see Joan is lying on the floor with fresh bruises on her face crying. I walk over to her and place a soft hand on here shoulder. Joan is quick to bat away my hand, refusing to take my pity.  
“Go away, I don’t need to see you around here” She shouts at me and I simply turn to walk away. It has taken many years but I no longer feel emotions, I have learned to block them out. I walk down the stairs of the old house of where I live and see Jack passed out on the floor in the lounge room. I take this as my opportunity to leave, I walk out the front door and head for my Grandparents house. I think that’s how I survive, my grandparents, without them, life seems pointless. I knock on the door and I hear my grandmother come to the door. I smile at her as she has brightened my day. She looks down at me and I see a tear role down her cheek, she always knows when it happens, but she helps me pretend that it will all be over soon and even though I know that it won’t, I take comfort in her words.  
“Hi Grandma” I say as cheerfully as I can even though my voice is stained from my near asphyxiation from Jack.  
“Claire sweetheart come inside” Grandma ushers me inside and I run over and hug my grandfather. He holds onto me tightly and even though he thinks I can’t here him, I know he crying.  
“Hey Kiddo” He whispers as he wipes a tear away from his cheek.  
“Hey Grandpa” I know I need to be brave because they are falling apart. They tried to take me away from my parents a few years ago, but the courts ruled in favour of Jack and Joan, one of Jack’s buddies was the judge and we didn’t have a chance.  
“Claire would you like to play the Piano?” My grandmother asks me with her sweetest little old lady voice. My grandmother was a great pianist and she taught me everything I know about music. I started to learn about four years ago when I was six, I think that is safe to say that music literally saved my life. Although things were not as bad as this when I was six, but the were still bad enough to make me cry to sleep every night. My grandmother leads me over to the Piano and we sit down together. We start to play and my grandfather simply sits down in his old chair and listens to the music we make. As the music drifts through my system I suddenly feel at peace and I forget what is waiting for me at home, I forget about everything in the world except for the music.

***  
This is the fifth time I have thrown up today. My teacher just excuses me from class as she knows of my family problems and no doubt thinks that I have been beaten so much that I can’t keep anything in my stomach, not that she would do anything about it of course, no one person is willing to stand up to the great Jack Kinney, the Head of the Police Department in our small little Irish town. I wipe my mouth and flush the toilet, I know something is wrong with me, but it feels different to anything I’ve had before, I don’t feel hurt, just nausea. I walk back down the halls of the School and peak into my classroom, all the children are so happy and innocent, I find myself resenting them just a little, as I stare at their smiling faces I turn and walk to the school exit, I won’t let them see me cry, because I can’t let anyone else see that is am falling apart.

***  
I knock on my grandparents door and my grandfather opens the door.  
“Claire, why aren’t you at school sweet heart?” He asks with concern and for the first time I let go of my emotions and burst into tears.  
“I’m sick, I wanted to see Grandma” He holds me and I feel secure in his arms.  
“She’s in the bedroom” He takes my hand and leads me to my grandmother who is bedridden. My grandmother has been fighting Multiple Sclerosis for about a year now, she is slowly losing her vision and she has lost most of the feeling in her legs. She has her good and bad days, today was a bad day.  
“Harold is that you?” She whispers and the sight of her breaks my heart.  
“Yes dear, Claire is here to see you” Grandfather says as he kisses his wife on the cheek.  
“Claire, why what are you doing here now, come sit with me” She holds her hand out and I take it.  
“I wanted to see you” I say with a shaky voice.  
“About what dear?” She says as she sits up more straight, she knows something is wrong.  
“I think I am sick Gran, I’m scared of what it is this time” She holds me close he her and I let my tears fall on her nightgown.  
“You listen to me Claire no matter what happens you’ll be ok, you have to be you’re the only thing that matters to us and we need you to be strong” We lay together for a while before grandfather takes me to the hospital and I find out the news, I’m three months pregnant and didn’t even know it. Suddenly my entire life has been changed forever.

***  
Six months later….  
I wake up with a sharp pain in my side. I run my hand over my stomach and suddenly I feel more pains. I sit up and look around to find something to help myself up, but the barn where I have been sleeping has nothing around. When my parents found out about the pregnancy they decided to head to the country for a while so it would look like Joan was the mother when we returned. I feel water begin to run from between my legs and I panic, I’m only ten years old and I have no idea what happening to me. I call out for someone to help, but no one comes to my aid. I do my best to make it out of the barn to find some assistance when I see Jack coming in from the field. He takes me into a room and lays me on the bed; Jack is surprisingly gently with me. The pain reaches a whole new level and I can’t help but scream, Jack tells me it’s time to push and I push with all my might. What seems like hours goes by and suddenly I hear another little voice in the room, a soft crying noise, Jack hands her to me, a baby girl, she is so beautiful. As I hold her a single tear roles down my cheek and I can’t believe she is finally here.  
“So we finally meet” I smile as I see how tiny her hands are against mine.  
“What will you name her?” Jack asks as he inspects her. He is so soft, I have not seen the sober Jack Kinney for a long time and I find myself lost in his gentleness.  
“Lea Jessica Kinney” I named her that because my grandmothers name is Jessica and she is such a big part of my life. I smile and can’t believe how happy I am. Jack smiles and leaves me to be alone with my new daughter. I feel myself drifting to sleep with my daughter securely nestled in my arms.

***  
I wake to the sound of arguing outside. It sounds like Joan and Jack are back to normal. Jack throws open the barn door and walks in with his bottle of Whiskey in his hand. I hold Lea close too me hoping he will not try anything. He drops the bottle and walks over to me and manages to tie my hands to a post next to the bed, he picks up Lea and my heart is pounding like crazy.  
“Jack please leave her alone” I scream and scream and no matter how hard I struggle it is no use. I can do nothing but sit and watch as Jack covers baby Lea’s mouth and nose with his hand so no air is getting to her little lungs. I feel my heart breaking and I can’t do a thing. She struggles a little, fights for her last breaths and then finally her little body lays limp in Jack’s hands. Jack leaves her on the bed and unties me, as soon as my hands are free I hit Jack with all of my might, I want to kill him but I am so weak that all he does is punch me sending me flying to the other side of the room and then leaves. I walk over to my daughter and hold her tiny little body in my hands. I let my tears flow down my face as I feel her body go from warm to an icy cold.  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you, your in a better place now, I love you, I love you, I’m so sorry my baby girl, I’m sorry” I cry and cry, my tears will only go unanswered, I know that she is gone and that nothing will ever bring back my little baby girl.

***  
Jack made a little grave near a field, where he buried Lea. I wanted to give her a funeral but Jack and Joan weren’t the people who I wanted to be there so I said goodbye to her in my own way.  
“Lea I know that we didn’t have much time together, but I loved you more than you could ever know and I always will. I’m sorry that you only spent a day in this world, but I’ll tell you baby girl wherever you are, you are in a better place than here. I’ll always miss you and I will love you till the end of time” I run my hand over the stone markings which read ‘Lea Jessica Kinney 4/11/1975 to 5/11/1975’ and I begin to shake. It just isn’t fare, why did god let this happen to my daughter, why did he let this happen to me.


	2. A Second Chance

  
Author's notes: I know that Brian's middle name is Japanese in this fic, but it's my fic and I wanted to give him that name!!  


* * *

It has been two years since we buried Lea and there is not a day that goes by when I do not think of her and what she would look like now. I sit in my grandparents lounge room and play the piano for them, it helps me to forget and more importantly to let go. My grandmother is still sick but she seems to be coping better with the disease. She is still teaching me how to play great music like she did, she says I need to open up and let my emotions flow free, but I am afraid to do that, it’s been so long since I have cried that I fear if I let out a single tear I will fall apart. I look up at the time.  
“It’s five o’clock I’d better go before Joan gets angry for me being late” I say as I stand and hug both of my grandparents. The walk home seems short as I stare at the old house, which I have lived for so many years. It is decaying and dank, I almost laugh at how it seems to fit the occupants of the house perfectly. I walk into the house see Joan laying in a pile on the floor praying.  
“Please god let his rage cease” I pity how she relies on her god to protect her.  
“Are you alright?” I ask the woman as I move closer.  
“Of course I’m not alright Claire, look at what he did to me” Joan points to all the fresh bruises “I need to go to the church to pray for your fathers sins.  
“Oh Joan all you need to do is lie down for a while” I say as I hate how she speaks of god as if she was perfect.  
“Don’t give me cheek girl, I don’t want to have to pray for your sinfulness as well” Joan slaps me across the face.  
“My sinfulness, you should talk, I mean for god sake if you actually admitted all your sins you would be in that church for a couple of decades” I don’t what I’ve done, but I can see that Joan is absolutely fuming.  
“What’s going on in here” Jack yells as he stumbles his way over to us.  
“Nothing” We say in unison. Jack looks at us both then give me a disgusting grin, I know what he is thinking and I can’t help but run. I run up the stairs as fast as I can, Jack is hot on my heals, even though he’s drunk he is still pretty fast. I’m nearly at my bedroom door when I trip over on a rug and even though I get up quickly it’s too late. Jack grabs me and carries me into his bedroom and throws me on the bed. I struggle to keep him away but I am too weak, I close my eyes and go to the place in my head that stops me thinking about what he is doing to me.

***  
I sit in the park and watch to children playing, laughing and enjoying themselves. I started to get that feeling again, the nausea. I know what it is now, it’s hard to mistake. I stand up and decide to go to my grandparent’s house, I don’t want to be alone again. I walk into my grandparent’s house and see my grandfather reading the paper.  
“Hey Grandpa” I sit in the chair next to him and smile.  
“Claire, what a lovely surprise to see you” He folds his paper and lays it down on the table next to him, but when he looks at me, his facial expression seems to change to sadness.  
“Though I’d drop in” I look down and notice my dress has a red stain on it and I realise my head is bleeding, no doubt it’s still bleeding from my wake up beating this morning, even if I say nothing it that house I still get a beating. Grandfather runs and get a damp clothe for my head.  
“Here Claire” He says as he hands me the clothe.  
“Thanks I uh, must have missed that when I went out this morning” I’m not sure why, but I’m a little embarrassed.  
“I just sorry you have to put up with that” He is so gentle; I can’t see how my father turned out so different.  
“Well I think it’s about to get worse”  
“What do you mean Claire?” He seems worried and I should be too but I just breathe and remain calm.  
“I think I’m pregnant” I smile and hope he will smile back.  
“Again, after last I thought…” He stops what he is saying.  
“I know after Lea died he stopped for a while, but that was only a few months, then he started again” I frown at the though of Jack on top of me. I look over to grandfather and see he is crying. I place my hand on his back and try to calm him.  
“This shouldn’t happen to you, you don’t deserve any of this” He murmurs through his tears.  
“Grandpa, I hate the beatings, I hate what Jack does to me and I hate the fact Joan lets him, but when I gave birth to Lea for one moment in my life everything seemed alright, she brought a brightness into my world for the short time she was in it, I’m going to have this baby, but this time there is no way Jack can take it away from me” We hold onto each other for comfort, mainly about what is about to happen in our lives.

***  
Seven months later…  
I managed to hide the fact I was pregnant for about four months before anyone noticed, but when Jack found out I made sure most of the town did so he couldn’t just kill off the child and claim it never existed. A story began to go around our small town that I had worked as a child prostitute or that I was having the child of the devil, I think they were mainly spread by Joan because she couldn’t let anyone know that Jack prefer to fuck his own daughter than his wife. Every time Joan would drag me to the church for services everyone would make a point of staring at me and whispering their lies and animosity. I know that they all knew the truth, everyone knew, but nobody cared. I would sit through the long sermons and often hear my name mentioned at the end, something like please pray for Claire who has let herself fall into sin, hypocrites. I know it’s no going to get any easier when I have this baby but it’s something that I’m just going to have to put up with. But for now I tune out as I play the piano for my grandparents, it relaxes us all.  
“Ouch” Well almost all of us.  
“What’s wrong sweetheart?” My grandmother asks.  
“The baby keeps kicking my and doing summersaults in my stomach” I smile as I rub my tummy.  
“That baby loves music” Grandfather just smiles and goes back to reading his paper.  
“I think this baby will be a lover of the arts” My grandmother smiles and I continue to play so I can try and forget about the fact I have to go with Joan to church in an hour.

***  
Joan drags me to church as usually and I start to drift off into my own thoughts through the dreary sermon when suddenly am brought out of my thoughts by something the Priest says, but no I must have been day dreaming he couldn’t have said that, no body is that cold blooded.  
“Joan Kinney is troubled because he daughter was overcome by a demon in her sleep one night and became pregnant” Well Jack certainly was a demon in my mind but what is he talking about “And now the evil creature that has taken residence in her womb has corrupted her, to free this child we must kill the demon that dwells within her” The priests voice is full of rage and all of a sudden I can’t control my own angry.  
“What is wrong with you” I scream. Everyone gasps because I have barely said a word my whole life except to my grandparents. “My baby is not evil and I wasn’t impregnated by a demon, you all know the truth” I stand and look at everyone in the church. “You know Jack fucks me, you all knew but you just pretend to believe Joan’s fucked up little stories, I’m sick of being called a hoar and the bride of the Devil and I’m sick of this church and it’s hypocrisy” I run outside of the church and even though I know it’s safe to stop running I don’t’, I can’t, not till I am with people I trust. Suddenly a sharp pain hits me, followed by another. I can just make my way to my grandparent’s house but by this time I am in labour. My grandmother was a nurse during the war, so she knew exactly what to do.  
“Ok Claire I need you to push for me now” My grandmother instructs me and my grandfather sits with me dabbing my face with a wet cloth and offering me his other hand to squeeze with.  
“OH God” The pain is so intense I feel like I will through up.  
“One more big push” My grandmother calls to me. I gather all my remaining strength and push. I hear a little cry. “It’s a boy” I look at my grandfather who has tears of happiness rolling down his face. My grandmother cleans up my baby and rapes him in a blanket then hand him to me.  
“What will you call him?” My grandfather asks. I look at my baby for a moment and take in every part of his features, then look back to my grandfather.  
“Brian Kisho Kinney” I smile to myself.  
“Kisho?” My grandmother asks with a confused look on her face.  
“I learned Japanese at school, it means ‘One who knows his own mind’ and I think it fits him perfectly cause we know he already likes music” I look and my grandmother and she smiles.  
“That certainly is the name for my new grandson” she lightly kisses Brian on the forehead and whispers “Welcome to the world Brian”. I hold Brian close to me and begin to drift to sleep, but this time I know that my son and I are in perfect safety.


	3. For The Love Of A Son

I sit in the cold hospital hallway with Brian on my lap, it feels odd looking at him, he seems so happy playing with my necklace and giggling to himself, little does he know that Jack is inside the room next to us dying. I hate Jack for everything he has put me through and I will never forgive him for what he did to our daughter, but there still is some compassion I feel for the man, I mean when he’s sober he is so different and in a way I want to thank him, cause he gave me Brian. Brian is eighteen months old now and he is my world, I absolutely adore him.  
“Moma” Brian smiles and points to me.  
“That’s right baby” I smile cause even though has grown up with Joan and Jack, he is still a happy little boy.  
“Nana, Popa” He shouts with glee and claps his little hands together. I look up to see what he is talking about when I see my grandparents walking towards us. I let Brian get off my lap and he runs as fast as his little legs will carry him and hugs on to his grandfathers leg “Popa”.  
“There’s my favourite grandson” Grandfather picks up Brian and both of them fuss over him for a few minutes before heading toward me. I am about to ask them how they are when I hear a door open. I turn to see a doctor walk out of Jack’s room and I can vaguely her Joan crying.  
“Has he?” That’s all I can ask.  
“Yes Miss Kinney, I’m sorry your father has passed away” The doctor offers his apologies and then we walk in the room to see Joan crying over her dead husband.  
“Jack make cry again?” Brian asks as he points to Joan.  
“No sweetie” I say to try and quiet him down.  
“Get out, all of you, especially that little demon you call your son” Joan hisses.  
“Don’t call my son a demon” I yell at her.  
“Demon, demon, demon” She yells back “And you the fucking hoar of Satan” She smirks at her last comment. I don’t even realise what I am doing, but I slap her, as hard as I can. Joan falls back against the bed in shock.  
“You’re the hoar of Satan and you became it the day let him touch me” I storm out of the hospital with Brian and my grandparents and head towards their house.

***  
It’s been three weeks since Jack died, we had his funeral yesterday. I couldn’t believe how the whole town seemed to show up for his funeral. Many people spoke of Jack and made him out to be a saint but in my mind I knew who he was and I could never honour him. I look over at my Grandmother who is now in a wheelchair, I feel so sorry for her, after all Jack was her son, no matter what he did in life he still was her son. She is losing everything, she can barely remember my name half the time or who I am, about three months ago she started to lose control of her hands and now she can’t play the piano, which was a big part of her life, I feel the need to play it for her, she says it helps her remember and when Brian’s around she says that she wants to remember everything about him. I sit at the piano and begin to play, the music runs through my fingers and I close my eyes and enjoy the sounds of Brian driving his toy truck along the floor and Grandfather humming lightly along with the music. I open my eyes and see a video camera in my face and I fall back in shock.  
“Grandpa you scared me, what are you doing with that?” I ask as I get up off the floor. Brian is giggling like crazy.  
“I’m go show all the world how good you are, I’m going to send this tape to Julliard” He smiles at me.  
“Yeah right you’re not funny you know” I say as I sit back down.  
“My little grandson thinks I am” He winks at Brian who is nodding uncontrollably.  
“Well that’s because he hasn’t been around you as long as I have” I laugh and kiss him lightly on the cheek, the truth being I adore him.  
“Well funny or not I am going to send a video of you playing to Julliard, you don’t know how good you are kiddo and you may never if I don’t” I shake my head at him and just let him do his thing while I play. My grandmother is smiling as she watches Brian and Grandfather play together and I know that this is the times she wants to be able to remember.

***  
I return home to a dark house, no doubt that Joan is praying for something at her church. I look at Brian who had fallen asleep in my arms on the way home, he is so innocent, I just hope that I can keep him that way, I don’t want him .to experience my childhood. I carry him up the stairs and head towards my bedroom. I lay him down on the bed and I lye besides him and close my eyes.  
When I open my eyes Brian is gone. “Bri, where are you sweetie” I say as I frantically look for him. I hear crying and try to find where it’s coming from, I head towards the kitchen and all I can see is Joan holding up a knife, as I walk further into the kitchen I see Brian being held down.  
“I do this in the name of god” Joan announces as she looks up. I run and push her away before she has a chance to do anything. Brian is crying and scared.  
“What is wrong with you, he a child for gods sake” I run upstairs and pull out a bag and fill it with all our possessions “We’re getting out of here baby”. I carry Brian and the bag downstairs and head for the door.  
“Where are you going, you know I can make one phone call and you will be back here” Joan says with fury in her voice.  
“Oh no, I’m going to go so far away you will never be able to find me” I leave the house and go to the only place I have left. I leave Brian with my grandparents once he is asleep and sit out on the porch.  
“That’s a heavy bag you brought with you, are you planning on staying?” My grandfather asks.  
“You know Joan won’t let me stay with you” I say as I stare into the distance.  
“Why don’t you go there tomorrow, I mean maybe cause Jack is gone she will be less abusive, maybe even turn into the mother she…” I can’t take it anymore so I just cut him off.  
“She tried to kill him” I take a deep breath “I won’t let her take Brian away from me”. My grandfather looks shocked that Joan would try to kill his grandson.  
“I understand, it’s time we got you out of there, both of you” Grandfather smiles at me and then heads back inside to check on Brian. I sit outside for a while so I can think. After Joan has tried to harm Brian once she will try again, I can’t go home and it’s more apparent now than ever.

***  
Two weeks later…  
I sit with Brian in my lap feeding him breakfast, I’m surprised that Joan hasn’t tried to get us back yet but I might as well enjoy it while it lasts. Grandfather walks in with the mail and a huge smile on his face. He clears his throat and opens a letter.  
“Dear Miss Kinney, after seeing your video tape we must say that we are impressed and furthermore we would like to offer you a scholarship as soon as you are old enough to attend Julliard on a Music scholarship. We recognise your talent and we are willing to provide this service to you at no cost to yourself.  
We hope to hear from you in the next couple of years.  
Yours Sincerely  
Joseph W. Polisi,  
President of Julliard”  
My Grandfather puts down the letter with a huge grin on his face.  
“You’re just trying to get my hopes up” I say as I think of how a school like Julliard wouldn’t want me.  
“Nope it’s the real thing kiddo, congratulations” He hugs me and Brian snuggles in between the two of us.  
“I’m so proud of you sweet heart” My Grandmother smiles I hug her and it’s at that moment that I notice the car pull up outside the house. My heart stops as I see Jack’s old best friend Officer Garrison get out of the car and walk towards the house. He knocks and I stay silent. I look at my grandparents as if for them to save me.  
“Take her downstairs, I’ll deal with him” Grandmother says as she wheels her chair towards the door and the next thing I know my grandfather is rushing Brian and I into the basement to hide. We stay silent and listen to what my Grandmother says to him.  
“Can I help you?” She asks as he looks down at her.  
“Mrs Kinney, I have come to get Claire” He answers, obviously he isn’t wasting time.  
“Claire isn’t here young man” My grandmother makes him fell like he is five years old.  
“Look Mrs Kinney I know that Claire is here so…” She cuts him off.  
“How dare you call me a liar, leave immediately” He tries to argue with her but she is very hard to beat in an argument.  
“Well Mrs Kinney, I’ll come back later and hopefully you’ll know where Claire is then” He turns and leaves. We wait to hear the car drive away and then make our way out of the basement.  
“What are we going to do, we can’t let him take Claire and Brian, but we have no rights to them” Grandfather say as he holds Brian tight.  
“I have to leave, go somewhere they will never find us” I say with very little emotion.  
“But what about Julliard, where will you live?” My grandmother asks. I look at Brian and see his innocent eyes.  
“All that matters now is keeping my son alive, I have to do this” I see a tear roll down her cheek and grandfather suddenly rushes into the bedroom and comes back with a box.  
“We’ve been saving this. I want you to take this money and get as far away from here as possibly” I hug him and I feel like I’m being torn away from him even though this is the choice I make for him.  
“Thank you”.  
“Please look after him and for god sakes Claire look after yourself. I nod my head in agreement with what he has said even though I am not sure what will happen. I pack everything I own and get Brian ready; I sit down at the old piano once more and play. My grandfather takes this time to play with Brian once more before we go. There is a sad realisation that we may never see either of my grandparents again. As I play I close my eyes and begin to think of all the good times that we have had together and all the bad. I look over to my grandmother and her eyes are closed and she is smiling, I start to notice that she looks slightly different and I decide to check if she’s ok.  
“Grandma” I call her, but no response, I walk over to her and ran my hand over her cheek. I pull back and cover my mouth. She’s cold and her breathing has stopped. I turn and see my grandfather playing with Brian and I can’t speak, the words are too hard to say. I feel a tear run down my cheek and I kiss her on the cheek.  
“Goodbye Grandma, I love you”. I lean back and see one of my tears has dropped on her cheek and I wipe it away. She died listening to all the things she loved music, her husband and Brian laughing and enjoying themselves, she died happy, I will always take comfort in that. She knows I will be ok and I know she will be watching over me no matter what I do.


	4. The Keikoku House Rules

Brian and I made it Japan about six months ago. It was tough at first, we were basically living on the streets and having very little food, well that was until one fateful night we met Jackie on a street corner. Jackie was English and once we started talking I found out she was a hooker and that she lived in a place called a Keikoku House or House of Prostitutes. She invited me to stay with her for a while, I guess after meeting Brian she had just fallen in love with him and couldn’t stand the thought of us sleeping on the streets. Jackie was nice enough to introduce me to the owner of the house and seeing how desperate I was he offered me a room in the house, in exchange for the use of my body. I became a thirteen-year-old hooker; it was illegal so we kept our mouths shut about it. The owner used to make sure that one of the girls would be able to look after Brian while I was renting my body out. Usually it was Jackie, she was kind to me and Brian and I can’t thank her enough for everything she has done. I stop my thoughts for a moment and open my eyes, I’m alone in my room but the reminder of my last customer is still fresh. I try to get up but it is really hard, I look down at my body and see I am cover with blood and so are the sheets. This is the work of one of the most prominent men in Japan, he says that I look like a goddess and therefore he gets off went he demeans me or hurts me. It’s times like these when I am glad Brian is not around to see me. I feel light headed as I start to walk to the bathroom to get cleaned up, I lock the door and run a bath for myself, I am not even thinking really I just do everything mechanically now. I slip into the bathtub and close my eyes, The pain from all my fresh cuts is almost unbearable. I open my eyes and watch as the water goes from clear to a deep red as my blood fills the tub. I hear a voice through the bathroom door, it sounds like Brian but I can’t tell. I hear a scream that sounds like Jackie but I feel so tired I can’t seem to get up and see what’s going on. I hear banging on the bathroom door but it seems to be getting fainter. I slowly sink into the bathtub and let my body be fully submerged. I hear nothing, as everything seems to go black.

***  
I open my eyes and everything seems so bright, I rub them and then finally look around to see where I am. There are monitors attached to me and I can see people outside the room in white coats, this must be a hospital, but why am I here. I find a call button and push it. As I wait for a response I start to worry about Brian, if he is ok and where he is, I don’t remember going to the hospital, what if Brian is hurt worse than me.  
“Miss Kinney your awake” A doctor says as he walks in the room.  
“Yes, but what happened?” I ask confused.  
“You were attacked, your sister and little brother brought you here” The doctor tell me as he writes on his chart, I know he is talking about Jackie and Brian.  
“Are they ok?” I say as I look at the cuts on my arms.  
“Yes Miss Kinney, they are fine, you however lost a lot of blood, you need to take it easy” He seems to say it as if I have been here for a while.  
“How long have I been here?” I wonder.  
“Three weeks, you slipped into a coma, your family will be very happy to hear the news you are ok” The doctor smiles at me and leaves the room. For one moment I feel that even though my life has been saved was it for the better or would dying have been the easier course of action.

***  
I sit in my bed staring out the window, they say I can go home today, and I can’t wait to see Brian and Jackie.  
“Moma” I hear a little scream come from the doorway and Brian runs in.  
“Hey baby boy” I lift him up and put him on my lap.  
“You went sleepy for twoo wong” I smile at him, he is going to be very protective of anything he loves when he grows up.  
“I know, but moma needed to sleep for a while” He climbs up and kisses me.  
“How are you feeling?” Jackie asks me as she sits down next to me.  
“A lot better, I can’t thank you enough for looking after him” I smile at her.  
“You know you had me scared, we found you completely submerged in the bathtub and there was blood all over the bed” Jackie grips my hand.  
“Brian didn’t see me like that did he?” I ask with fear that I have tainted my son’s thoughts forever.  
“No, I made him stay in my room, I knew you would want that” I can tell she has something on her mind.  
“Well thanks for doing that for me”  
“You know I would do anything for you guys” Her smile is weak and I need to know what she is thinking.  
“What’s wrong Jackie?” I ask with concern.  
“Your hospital bills were too much for me to be able to afford, so Master Soban paid for them, he said that he would continue to allow Brian to stay with us while you where sick on one condition” She pauses and I know that this is going to be bad.  
“Which is?”  
“You have to be in a movie his friend is producing, a sex film” I let out a sigh and look at Brian.  
“I have to do what I have to do” I hold Brian tight, he is my reason for living, I can’t give up now.

***  
It’s been a year since I went to hospital. Since then I have become one of the biggest underground porn stars in Japan, considering I am underage it is illegal but very profitable. Jackie and I have been saving as much as we can so that we can go to America, one last job and then we have enough for our flights and extra money for living. I am almost sad to be leaving Japan, I love the country but this is no place for Brian to grow up, not in a house for sex. I hear a knock and the door and when I turn around I see Master Soban.  
“Master Soban, I didn’t expect you quiet yet” He walks into my room and sits on the bed next to Brian.  
“I wanted to escort you to your next customer, and I wanted to say goodbye” He smiles and I can’t help but smile back, the man has been nothing but kind to me and my son.  
“Thank you for everything you have done” I say that mostly because he has been there a lot for Brian, making sure he has everything he needs.  
“I didn’t do anything, I’m glad for you and Brian, I want you to give him the best life imaginable” He smiles and hugs Brian. I see a tear roll down his cheek but I don’t say anything cause I know that he loves Brian, he’s the closest thing he has ever had to a child.  
“I promise I will do everything in my power to look after him” We smile at each other for a while before Jackie pocks her head in the door.  
“Brian I think you better come with me honey, moma has to work now” She says as she picks him up and carries him to her room. Master Soban and I walk to the next job, when we arrive he says he will wait outside for me to finish. I knock on the door and am greeted by a familiar face and he ushers me in. One of my best customers, he pays extra for me to come to his house, he gets me to play the piano for him then he has his way with me, I think he enjoys the fact that I have a talent other than sex. I start to put my clothes back on while he lights a cigarette.  
“Master Soban tells me your leaving for America tomorrow” He mutters as he takes a drag of his cigarette.  
“Yes I am” I don’t like the fact he knows where I am going but I can’t change it.  
“What will you do there, sell your body?” He asks more to irritate me.  
“Maybe teach Piano, I hear there are lots of jobs over there”  
“But the moneys better over here, why don’t you stay here, continue to play the piano for me” He smirks.  
“As tempting as that sounds, I’ll pass” I finish dressing and begin to walks to the door.  
“So now you will play your music for others?” He grabs my arms and holds me back from leaving.  
“I will play for whoever I choose I say with a hint of anger in my voice.  
“Oh no, you will never play for anyone else but me” All of a sudden he has me held down. He ties my hand down to some furniture and brings back a mallet.  
“Master Soban” I scream over and over again, but it’s too late, I feel the sharp pain in my fingers and I know that the bones in my right hand have been shattered. One more swift blow to my left hand and the pain is now radiating through me. I close my eyes and cry. I can hear Master Soban has come to my aid but not quick enough. I feel him pull the man off me and untie my hands. I open my eyes and look at my hands and see they are covered with blood and the bones are out of place. Master Soban helps me up and we leave. I know he is talking to me trying to comfort me but I can’t hear him, I don’t care what he says.


	5. The Beginning Of A Friendship

  
Author's notes: Sorry this took so long, I hope you like it!!!!  


* * *

Jackie, Brian and I have been driving for what seems like hours now. We have been living in New York for the past two years and have decided to move away from the hustle and bustle of the city so that Brian can start school in a less overwhelming place. Jackie got a job in a small Café and she has met a nice guy from the Internet that lives in Pittsburgh so we decided to move there. I have been working a few different jobs, translating and I waitress at a few different restaurants. When the bones healed in my hands after about six painful operations I tried teaching piano but I had to give it up, it frustrated me because I keep making mistakes that I never would have made before.  
“Were here” Jackie yelled as she pulled up outside a block of units.  
“Jesus Jacks do you have to yell” I ask as I rub my ears.  
“Yes, yes I do” Jackie smiles at me and I can’t help but laugh.  
“I want to pick my room first” Brian yelled from the back seat. Brian is five years old now and he very straight with what he wants, no crap kind of kid, pretty damn smart though, it’s not many five year olds that can speak two languages.  
“Bri don’t yell, between the two of you I’m going deaf” I say as I open my car door and get out. Jackie and I unload the car and start to carry boxes up stairs while Brian carries his favourite teddy bare.  
“Oh thank god that is the final box” Jackie says as she drops the last box in our new apartment. I see Brian rummaging through a box and putting his things in a wagon, when the wagon was loaded he made his way to one of the bedrooms.  
“I think Bri found his room” We both walk over to the room where he is unpacking his things.  
“And what you do you think your doing in my room?” Jackie says as winks at me.  
“Nah ah, this is my room” Brian argues, he is very hard to beat in an argument.  
“No way this was so my room” Jackie loves to tease Brian, all I can do is laugh and leave them to their little play game.  
“I’m taking a shower, try to keep it down you too” I yell as I find myself a towel and head for the shower.

***  
I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself. As I open the door to the bathroom a hear talking and when I walk out Brian runs up to me and drags me the door.  
“Come on moma” Brian says as he pulls me as fast as he can.  
“Ok, ok I coming” I say as I follow him. We get to the front door and there are people standing there looking at me, not surprisingly since I am only wearing a towel.  
“Claire these are our neighbours” Jackie smiles when she sees what I am wearing.  
“Hi” I’m a little lost for words.  
“Hi, my name is Maria and this is my husband Jonathan and this is my son Alec” I smile at them. They are very nice people but their son hasn’t even bothered to look up as me.  
“It’s very nice to meet you”  
“Moma pick me up” Brian says as he tugs on my towel which I am gripping for dear life. I pick Brian up and suddenly Maria is right in front of me.  
“Oh isn’t he adorable, how old is he?” She asks with a huge smile.  
“He’s five” I smile as I see Brian lapping up all the compliments.  
“He is just precious, what’s your name sweetie?”.  
“Brian” He smiles and then wriggles to get down.  
“Well you are welcome to come over anytime you want” She smiles and he hugs her leg just so that he has her completely wrapped around his little finger.  
“I’m sure you would love that wouldn’t you” I say to Brian as I give him a quick smile.  
“Alec say hello, don’t be so rude” She nudges her son in the ribs and then picks up Brian. Her son raises his head with disinterest and is about to say hello when I must catch his eye. He stares at me with a stunned expression and I must stay I’m a little flattered that I made him speechless.  
“Hi” He finally gets out.  
“Hi” I say in a slightly sexy voice, I have to admit I am flirting with him just a little. I am brought back to reality when Brian nearly pulls my towel.  
“Moma pick me up again” He whines and I just can’t help but pick him up.  
“It’s so sweet how your little brother calls you that name” Maria says as she has already fallen in love with my little boy.  
“Actually he is my son” Alec and his father’s mouth just drop and Maria seems to cover her shock well.  
“Well he is gorgeous, he looks just like you” Maria smiled.  
“Thank you” We go on talking for a while longer, Maria and I seem to get on really well and I get the sneaking suspicion, that I am going to like living here.

***  
“Bri honey hurry, we have to get going” I say as I rush around the apartment looking for everything I need for Brian’s first day of school. Brian walks out of the bedroom in his little uniform.  
“Ma, I was ready ages ago, can we go now?” Brian smirks.  
“Yes baby, come on” We run down to the car and I drop Jackie off at work before we go to Brian’s school. At Brian’s new school they have a little orientation and then they let the kids get to know each other. As I look around at all the people watching their children, I come to the realisation that there is a lot of stuck up rich snobs that I will have to deal with later. I look over and see a little brunette boy in the middle of the playground by himself, it seems whenever one of the children goes up to him their parents tell them to play somewhere else and I can’t imagine why. I look over to see Brian telling a girl she is yucky and I smile, that boy doesn’t take any crap. Brian makes his was over to the little brunette in the middle of the playground and sits with him, I can just make out what they are saying.  
“Hi I’m Brian”  
“I’m Michael, do you want to play?” Michael holds up to superhero figurines.  
“Ok, why are you sitting by yourself?”  
“Cause the other kids mommies won’t let them play with me” Michael sighs.  
“Don’t worry my moma lets me play with whoever I want” Brian smirks.  
“Do you want to be friends?” Michael asked with a smile.  
“Yep, best friends” Brian smiles and they start playing with the action figures.  
“I’d watch your son around him, that’s Debbie Novotny’s kid” One of the rich bitch snobs informs me.  
“Who is Debbie Novotny?” I ask with confusion.  
“Her over there”  
“What’s so wrong with her that I should watch my son around hers?” I ask as my patience is fast running out.  
“Her brother lives with them, he’s gay and has aids that’s why he’s always sick, I heard he fucks the little boy” She smirks as if she has got the hot piece of gossip.  
“How dare you, because someone is gay is no excuse for you to call them a pervert and no doubt your source of that information was as lucid as your imagination and if a man is sick with any kind of disease then it is none of your business, I think your pitiful for how you try to seclude that little boy” I didn’t even realise how load I said all that, but the woman is giving me a surprised look.  
“Why don’t you hit the road Miranda, looks like I got someone who agrees with me about you” I look over and see the woman that I had just been defending is right next to me.  
“I’m sorry if I was out of line” I try to cover over my outburst.  
“Honey please, I can’t thank you enough for having the guts to say something, I’m Debbie by the way” She holds out her hand.  
“Claire, it’s nice to meet you”  
“Well it looks like we will be spending a lot of time together anyway” Debbie directs my attention over to the boys playing and laughing together.  
“Thank god he didn’t make friends with one of the other boys, I can’t stand those snobs” I joke. Debbie and I talk and I can tell that we are going to be great friend and so are the boys.


	6. A Proposal

I wake up and roll over to feel another presence in my bed. I open one eye slowly just in case it’s someone I would prefer not to sleep with.  
“Morning baby” A good looking tanned man says as he runs his fingers up and down my side.  
“Morning” I mutter. “I don’t remember bringing you home last night” I joke as I rub my eyes remembering who the man is.  
“Well who else do you bring home at night, should I be getting jealous” Alec smiles as he leans in closer to me.  
“Definitely not” I smile and kiss him. We are caressing each other when suddenly a knock on the door comes.  
“Mom I going to be late for school, get up” Brian yells through “We have to pick up Mickey remember.  
“I’ll be there in a minute” I call out as I start to get dressed.  
“Gotta love being a parent” Alec jokes as he watches me struggle to get my jeans on.  
“Yeah very funny” I mock.  
“Hey, if Brian was mine I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for him, he’s a great kid” Alec gets up and kisses me.  
“I love you” I say as I kiss him one last time.  
“Love you too, now get going before an impatient seven year old beats the door down” He jokes as he opens the bedroom door.  
“Come on mom” Brian says as he ushers me out the door.  
“Ok, ok lets go” I say as we run down to the car. I rush to Debbie’s place and pick up Michael and then head towards the school.  
“Ready for school boys?” I ask with intrigue.  
“Yep” They mutter.  
“That’s good, no kissing girls ok?” I joke as I know it’s the age for cuties.  
“Gross no way” Brian says with disgust and Michael just giggles. I drop the boys off at school and head to work. My life is changing so much, since we moved to Pittsburgh I have made a lot of new friends, even a new lover. The boy next door, what a cliché, either way we started dating about a month after we moved in next door and we are still together, he’s been like a father to Brian, he always takes him out and does the things that Brian needs a man to do with him, I know that Brian adores him so life at the moment seems pretty good. I pull up outside the my office, I am an official translator know which can really get frustrating at times, but I just have to remember that I it’s all over at five o clock. Then were having dinner at Maria’s tonight, apparently they have some good news.

***  
I go home and get changed, tonight better be good, cause I don’t feel like getting up for nothing. I slowly drag myself next door, today has been so hard that even going next door for dinner seems like a huge waste of energy. I knock on the door and Alec answers it he pulls me into a big hug and kisses me, I relax into the interaction.  
“How was your day baby?” He asks sweetly.  
“Another day, nothing special” I smile as he wraps his arms around me and guide me to the lounge room. I’m pretty surprised to see how many people are there Maria, Jonathon, Jackie, Daniel her boyfriend, Debbie, Vic, Michael, Brian and of course Alec and myself.  
“Oh hi darling how are you?” Maria asks me as she gives me a big kiss and hug. As I look around every one seems to be grinning uncontrollably.  
“I’m great, why is everyone so happy, what’s this good news that I’m supposed to be hearing about?” I ask with concern.  
“Good new, oh uh” Maria struggles to think of anything to stay which makes me suspicious.  
“Oh the good news, both the boys got A’s on their report card” Debbie chimes in and although it seems a little weird I just ignore it, so I can try to enjoy the evening.  
“Dinners ready” Maria announces and we all sit down to eat.  
“Mom hurry up, your taking too long to eat” Brian nudges me.  
“You never complained before” I smiles as I take my time.  
“Yeah but tonight…” Brian sparks my attention, when he won’t finish his sentence.  
“What about tonight?” I ask and look as the whole table has gone quiet.  
“Well I’d like to go to sleep before ten tonight, ok” Brian says as he brushes off my question. Something is definitely going on.  
“Ok everyone, lets go to the lounge room” Debbie announces.  
“Why?” I ask.  
“Because, it’s nice to have coffee in the lounge room” Debbie smiles and winks, but I can’t be sure who she is winking at. It’s driving me crazy what the hell is going on. We all sit down and after Maria brings out the coffee there is a silence that I want to break, but then I notice Alec walking towards me from across the room. He takes my hand and gets me to stand. I’m not quiet sure what he’s doing but I go alone with it.  
“Claire, you make me so happy and I love you and Brian more than life itself. You’re my one; my only and the last two years with you have been the best in my life. I want to make sure that I’m always happy, I want to make sure that the part of me seems to glow like a bright fire when I’m around you never dies, never fades. I want to be the one who is there for you and Brian through thick and thin no matter what, forever and ever.” Alec gets down on one knee with a ring box and all of a sudden I feel woozy.  
“Claire Kinney, will you do me the great honour of becoming my wife?” Alec asks and the room seems to go silent in anticipation. I look into Alec’s eyes and see the love in them. I open my mouth to say something, but the words don’t come out, nothing comes out not evening air. I feel my body weaken and I fall to the floor, everything goes black as I hear scared voices.

***  
I slowly open my eyes and wonder what the hell just happened. I look over to my right and see Alec sitting in a chair bedside the bed holding his head in his hands. He seems upset, so much so that he doesn’t notice that I am awake.  
“This is all my fault you’re here” He mutters.  
“What’s all your fault?” I ask and laugh at how he jumps.  
“Your awake” Alec says with glee as he hugs me.  
“Yes, I don’t imagine I have been asleep for long” I smile.  
“How are you feeling?” He asks as he caresses my face.  
“Fine, what happened?” I ask as I sit up.  
“The doctor said that your body is overworked, you need to rest”  
“Is that all” I look down at my left hand and see it is still bare and frown.  
“You gave us a scare last night” Alec whispers.  
“I can imagine, where’s my ring” I ask holding up my hand. Alec smirks at me.  
“Well you never gave me your answer, I almost figured that fainting was a no answer” Alec says as he reaches in his pocket.  
“Well you assumed wrong” I smile. Alec gets out the ring box and opens it revealing a white gold sapphire engagement ring.  
“Will you marry me?” He asks with a subtle undertone.  
“Yes” he puts the ring on my finger and kisses me.  
“So are you guys married yet” Brian says as he walks into the room.  
“We will be, come here” Alec says as he wraps his arms around both Brian and me. I whole new life for us, as a family.


	7. Golden Years

Alec and I have been married for nine years now and we moved into a house a few blocks away from Debbie and Vic’s place. Brian is sixteen years old now and we suddenly have got a taste of the terrible teens.  
“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you” Well that’s another outburst from Brian, I must admit it’s kinda funny when Alec and Brian fight.  
“Young man you open this door right now” Alec shouts as he bang on the door.  
“What’s happened now” I ask as the whole situation seems funny to me.  
“Our son wants to go to this concert and I say he is too young” I look at the poster that Alec is holding in his hand.  
“Oh I really want to go to this, Red Hot Chili Peppers is my favourite” I let out and then see Alec’s face.  
“All the guys from soccer are aloud to go, why can’t I?” Brian sulks through the door. I pout and look at Alec.  
“Well the other parents can do what they want, for Christ Sake one of these concerts the guys came out with socks on their privates” I let out a giggle cause I remember that concert.  
“Well how about a compromise, you can go, but I’m coming with you” I don’t hear Brian reply; instead he flings open his door and hugs me.  
“Well ok, but I don’t want you doing anything crazy ok, I worry about you, just be safe” I smile at Alec, he loves Brian and no matter what anyone says, he always calls Brian his own.  
“Thanks mom, thanks dad, I promise I’ll be safe” Brian says as he hugs us both. It’s funny, I think he has us wrapped around his little finger.

***  
Alec crept down the stairs with a mischievous look on his face.  
“What have you been up to?” I ask.  
“Has Brian brought anyone home today?” He asks with a big grin.  
“Yes he’s studying with…” Alec doesn’t let me finish my sentence.  
“With that pretty Lindsay girl he friends with from school, am I right?” Alec said as if he was very proud of himself.  
“No he’s studying with Michael” I say and I have to laugh at how his face seems to turn pale white and his jaw drops.  
“What?” I ask confused.  
“But I heard, I could have sworn” Alec stutters.  
“You heard what?” I laugh at his inability to speak.  
“Kissing” Alec whispers. I let out a load laugh.  
“Well it would seem like our little boy has taken to Michael” I giggle to myself.  
“You don’t think he’s, well you know” Alec asked me with shock on his face.  
“Well I don’t know, but does it matter if he is?” I ask to see my husband’s reaction.  
“Of course not, you know I love Brian for who he is, but still I don’t know if I know how to act with a gay son”  
“Sweet heart we don’t even know if he is gay, maybe he’s just experimenting or maybe they weren’t kissing and you are just blowing this out of proportion, but if Brian is gay, it doesn’t change anything cause he is still Brian and still our son” I smile and kiss Alec on the cheek.  
“Your right” He admits with a little smile. I look up and see Brian and Michael walking down the stairs with huge grins on theirs faces.  
“What have you too been up too?” I ask with a smile.  
“Nothing, I mean studying” Brian stutters with shock and I can see the guilty face.  
“Oh I’m sure” I mock, the boys look like they are about to crap themselves so I decide to pretend I don’t know what they have been doing “I bet you were reading comics up there” I look at Alec and we both smirk at each other.  
“No mom just studying” Brian says with relief.  
“If you say so, so are you boys hungry?” I change the subject because I know if Brian is gay I’ll find out in my good time.  
“Yeah” Michael and Brian both say at the same time.

***  
I push open the front door and make my way inside, trying not to drop everything I have been sent out to get.  
“Oh thank god you’re here, we thought that you would never come back” Debbie says as she takes one of the bags I am carrying.  
“Oh relax, the bloody Junior Pram isn’t on for another two hours” I say as I struggled to get everything on the table.  
“Yeah but we want to have time to take pictures of the boys and their dates” Alec says as he starts rummaging through the bags for the boys white roses for their jacket pocket.  
“Oh you are such drama queens, I hate to see what you are going to be like when they get married” I mock as I help un pack the different things “And I wouldn’t have taken so long if you didn’t make me find white roses in the middle of a snow storm” I poke out my tongue and Alec hugs me.  
“Our son is growing up” He smiles at me and kisses me.  
“Uh mom, dad I kinda need to talk to you” Brian says as he walks in with his suit on.  
“What about honey?” I ask as he seems worried.  
“It’s about my date, can we talk upstairs” Brian asks and we just nod. I have a feeling I know what is coming.  
“Yeah mom I need to tell you something as well” Michael says as he sits on the couch next to his mother. We follow Brian to his room, I’m feeling a bit nervous, but he must be a wreck. Brian sits on his bed and grips his old teddy bear, I remember he always used to do that when he was little.  
“So what did you want to tell us?” Alec asks as he learns against the bedroom wall and waits for Brian to talk.  
“Well my date, it’s a well, he’s a guy” Brian pauses and looks down “I’m gay” He whispers. We walk over to Brian and sit either side of him.  
“Hey look at me” I say so that he will look up from the floor. He looks at me and I see a tear flow down his cheek and I wipe it away “You are our son, whatever your sexual preference that still doesn’t change, but I want you to understand that the rules of the house don’t change either, you still have a curfew and I want you to use protection if you do anything”.  
“So your not mad?” Brian asks us.  
“Are you kidding kiddo, you know that you can tell us anything an we will understand, but if you get serious with this guy, I want to meet him alright” Alec says and I smile at how much compassion and love he possesses.  
“Oh thank you so much” Brian says as he hugs us both.  
“You don’t need to thank us, but if you come home pregnant one day, I’m going to kill this boy of yours” Alec smirks.  
“Thanks dad” As Brian says that the doorbell rings “Oh my god this will be him, come meet him” Brian says as he runs down stairs and drags us with him. Brian opens the door and their stands a tall thin brunet.  
“Hey there gorgeous” The man says when he see Brian.  
“Hey come in, I want you to meet my parents” Brian says as he give the man a quick peck and guide him inside “Mom, dad this is Ethan” Brian says with a huge grin on his face.  
“It’s nice to meet you Ethan” Even though I am being polite I don’t like this guy, he seems very smug and a get a bad vibe from him. The doorbell rings again and this time Michael runs to the door. I can hear him giggle as a slightly older guy picks him up and hugs him.  
“Momma this is Ben, my boyfriend” Michael says as he leads Ben over to his mother. Debbie looks him over and waits for Ben to say something.  
“It’s nice to meet you Ms Novotny” Debbie looks at the man once more and then smiles. She pulls him in for a hug.  
“Welcome to the family, but if you hurt him I’ll kill you” Debbie smiles and I have to laugh.  
“That goes for you too Ethan” Alec jokes, Ethan is hardly amused but seems to pretend to be for Brian’s sake.  
“I don’t think I could ever hurt Michael” Ben smiles as he hugs Michael close to him.  
“Ok photo time” Debbie announces and the flashes start coming from all over the room. I smile at how happy Brian is, but I just hope that Ethan keeps it that way.


	8. Lessons Of Love

  
Author's notes: In this fic I decided to pretend sexual diseases don't exist. Cause I can!  


* * *

I’m sitting having a coffee in the lounge room when Brian runs into the house and slams the door behind him. I can see he is crying as he runs up the stairs to his room. I walk up to his room and knock on the door lightly.  
“Bri sweetie are you ok?” I ask even though I know the answer.  
“I just want to be alone” Brian sobs. I push open the door and see he is lying on his bed in the foetal position.  
“You sure you don’t want to tell me” I say as I sit next to him on the bed and rub his back..  
“I hate him mom” Brian says as he turns over to face me.  
“I take it you mean Ethan” Brian nods.  
“He said he loves me and then he goes and sleeps with someone else” Brian cries. I hold him close and let him cry on my shoulder.  
“He doesn’t know how lucky he was and when he realises it will be too late cause you’ll find someone better, sweetie you deserve the world and even though it hurts now Ethan isn’t worth it” Brian nods and I wipe away a few of his tears.  
“He didn’t even say sorry, he just said that I was boring him and he needed to know if he really loved me, stupid asshole” Brian sobs.  
“Bri this is one of the great lessons of love, most of the time the guys that are good with their mouths by telling you I love you and other sweet things, are also people that can use those mouths for more destructive things” I brush the hair away from his face.  
“That’s for sure” Brian agrees and I can tell there is something else on his mind but I don’t want to push him.  
“Why don’t you try to get some sleep, I’ll leave you to think for a little while” I say as I kiss him on the forehead and stand to walk out of the room.  
“Mom” Brian whispers to get my attention.  
“Yes sweetie?”  
“I let him, I let him…” Brian tries to get out the words but seems to stop himself.  
“You let him what?” I ask as I fear the answer.  
“He said he loved me and he wanted to have babies with me, so I…” I see the pain in Brian’s eyes as he tries to tell me and I know what he is going to say.  
“You had sex without a condom” I try to finish his sentence and he just nods.  
“What happens if I’m pregnant mom?” Brian says with a shaky voice.  
“Honey if your pregnant then we’ll raise this baby and you don’t have to worry about anything cause your father and I will look after you, but lets not think about if you are yet ok and lets not tell your dad. I think he will kill Ethan if he finds out” I smile and Brian laughs a little.  
“If I am what are we going to tell him?” Brian asks.  
“If your are we’ll tell him and he’ll probably hunt down Ethan and cut off his genitalia, but I can tell you that your father would be smitten with a grandchild” I laugh.  
“Yeah well at the moment I wouldn’t mind if he did”.  
“Come with me, we’ll go to the clinic and end any doubts we have in our mind” I smile at Brian and he stands up.  
“Yeah that or we end up confirming our doubts” Brian sighs.  
“Either way, at least we know” I try to be supportive even though I myself am scared. The car ride to the Clinic is in silence. Brian gets out of the car and just stares at the building in front of him. I wrap my arm around his shoulder and try to comfort him.  
“Lets get this over with” Brian takes a deep breath and we walk inside. We wait for what seems like hours, but is only minutes for Brian’s name to be called, Brian is getting nervous as he see all the pregnant men around him.  
“Brian Kinney” A doctor calls.  
“That’s me” Brian says as he gets up and walks with the doctor. I wait for him and can’t help but worry, the magazine I was supposed to be reading is on the same page as when he left. I see Brian come out of the room with the doctor and he smiles.  
“Well?” I ask as I am afraid to ask anything else.  
“I’m not pregnant” Brian says as he throws his arms around me.  
“Oh thank god, not that I don’t want grandchildren, just give me a few years yeah” I smile and he hugs me tight.

***  
I’m making dinner while Michael and Brian are on the living room floor talking about their Junior Pram. Alec comes into the kitchen and wraps his arms around me and I relax to the embrace. There is a knock at the door.  
“I’ll get it” Brian says as he runs to get the door. I can here anything and no one has come into the house so I decide to call out to him.  
“Who is it?”  
“It’s nobody” Brian shouts. Maybe it was parental instincts but Alec and I walk over to see who is at the door.  
“Baby please forgive me, I made a mistake, I still love you Bri” Ethan says sweetly and he makes my skin crawl. Alec thinks it’s just a little lovers tiff so he ignores it, but if he knew the truth he would have his hands around Ethan’s throat.  
“Fuck you Ethan, I hate you, I never want to see you again” Brian says as he tries to slam the door but Ethan stops him.  
“I thought you said you wanted a life with me, your just mad Bri, I’ll give you some time but I just want you to know that I love you” Ethan says as he runs his fingers over Brian’s face.  
“You never fucking loved me and you don’t now either, I’m just a connivent fuck for you, how could you do this to me, you know I thought I was pregnant cause of you” Brian spat out in angry and suddenly I notice Alec is in the room and he is pissed.  
“He got you pregnant?” Alec asked infuriated.  
“No honey, Bri just thought he was” I say trying to calm him down.  
“You have the nerve to come to my house and try to knock up my son, I want you to get the fuck out and stay away from Brian, he’s too young to be having kids and you obliviously don’t understand that” Alec says as he slams the door shut on Ethan. We all stand there in silence waiting for Alec to say something.  
“Dad I…” Alec stops Brian from finishing his sentence.  
“Did he hurt you?” Alec asks.  
“Never physically” Brian mumbles.  
“Good, I want you to tell me, if anyone ever hurts you, rapes you, I want to know” Brian nods “Cause this is my family and I plan on protecting it” Alec says as he pulls Brian in for a hug. Brian lets go of his tears and lets them flow onto his father. I leave them alone for a while and go talk to Michael who is probably wondering what’s going on.


End file.
